Possibilities and Realities

The Secret talks about creating your reality. Now, I happen to believe whole heartedly in our ability to do that. Quantum physics and all that. That without us, the world as we know it doesn't exist. We create everything. From the chair we sit in to the car we drive to the shape of our bodies, disease, war. It all gets wrapped up in what we think we deserve, what is actually in our individual realm of possibilities, what we want and what we think about.

So today, as I was sitting in traffic on my way to work, I began to wonder if the circumstances at hand-the ridiculous traffic in LA in general for example-are the product of poor planning, a person's set of beliefs, or the result of trying to do something completely unnatural.

I mean, think about it. Anything that is unnatural, like riding in cars to work in a place not walking distance from home, it seems to me is bound to be difficult to pull off. That seems more practical than I created the traffic and the fact that it took me an hour to get to work. I wish I did, but I don't believe I can control that. But maybe that's the problem. We all believe that the traffic in LA in horrible, and therefore it is. Who started this horrible rumor that became reality? He or she should be shot-no that's awful. Just given a good swift kick. Let's focus on the opposite please. Could we all get behind that? PLEASE! This is getting out of hand.

I think it is rather funny-the situations that we humans get ourselves into. I mean, I am no one to talk. I mean I have managed to live in two sets of the most unnatural circumstances I could have ever imagined. It was never in my realm of possibilities that these types of places could even exist. I mean initially, they seemed to be the perfect places to live. Exactly what I wanted. Now, I am thinking I need to be more specific when I ask for what I want.

The first, well, it was large, close to a nice neighborhood, cheap. Just right. It was a slanted house that was practically underneath the BQE. That's the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway for those of you who are not familiar with the highways and biways of NYC. Yes, I lived under a HIGHWAY. A very large, smelly highway. Oh, and I forgot to mention that this little house happened to be across from another very large, smelly entity. A waste transfer facility. Now, I didn't know that these lovely things existed, but they do. And boy, was that fun when it was 100 degrees in July. Whoo wee. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. So, not surprisingly, we had mice and some of their larger cousins-rats. This place just kept getting better and better. See, completely unnatural and therefore became completely unsanitary and downright disgusting and not good for humans or anything else except rodents. God bless landlords and the things they neglect to mention.

Now, after leaving this place there was a relatively normal apartment in my reality and then the Rainforest happened. Again, I managed to find exactly what I wanted. A little spanish cottage (actually its a guesthouse) with a garden and fountain. Close to work. Secluded. Feels like heaven. The landlord, God bless him, was concerned about whether or not I, or my husband, would have a problem with the fact that he is gay. Of course not! That was a no brainer. He is a lovely man. No issues with his personal sexual preferences. It seemed like a match made in heaven.

Well, as I was cleaning the place-after I had signed the lease, I came to discover a few things. First, my husbands mother, googled our landlord and discovered that we are in fact living on a compound called (we'll call it the Amazon because that is what it feels like), where my landlord breeds and sells exoctic housecats. Yep. There are almost 50 of them on the property. And they are, we'll say, unusual and well. essentially feral. (though I am sure my landlord would argue that point) They are in cages all over the property. I find it amusing that he was concerned about my reaction to his sexual preference more than the large number of seemingly wild cats living on the property. No kidding, it really feels like the rainforest because they growl and howl all the time. Oh, and, I also come to find out, later of course, not from my landlord, that there are other people living on the property in trailors. One was a witchy women type who collected rain water to bath in and believed "wood people" lived on the property. Her eensy dog Hershel lived with her and was scared shitless of everyone but her. She was kind enough to show me around the property, and consequently, I also come to find out that we have a smorgasbord of fruit trees. Persimmons grow on trees. Imagine that. Well, they do-in the rainforest I live in. There are also mimosas and grapefruit and lemons or limes maybe. God knows what else. She's now been replaced by a young man whose name I cannot remember.

Then there was a young man living in another trailer on the property who took care of the cats. He's gone now. Been replaced with another young man who also handles cleaning up the garden in exchange for living on the property. Oh, and I musn't forget Sergei the large Russian man with a pitbull named Core. It took a little time, but he got used us. He was quite sweet really when you got over being terrified he might bite your leg off. Hugely disrespected and misunderstood breed. Sergei spoke to the dog in Russian and would follow it up with a few air smooches. He lived in the main house. He's gone now too-got engaged-and is to be replaced by God knows who.
We still live in the Rainforest with its strange and unnatural circumstances and simply because we signed a lease and its a giant pain in the ass to move. (we're working on it-shhhh;)

Everything about this situation is unnatural at least for me. Maybe it just boils down to being honest with each other and with yourself about what you need to be satisfied. Though it has become home.

But back to the original point. I know I created these two places. The slanted house and the rainforest. I wanted exactly what I got. But the secret says that you shouldn't say what you don't want. Only what you do want. So that's what I did. It's confusing. Should I include, no trash facility, no highways, no cat breeding. Seems like the universe was playing a joke on me with this. I did ask for what I wanted and I got surrounded by crazy shit. I guess I shouldn't perpetuate that idea either. God, this is complicated. Crazy to me, but its true. Poor planning had nothing to do with it. Specificity had everything to do with it. Funny, its the same in acting. lack of specificity and lack of choices are a death sentence.

I just want a normal and beautiful place to live, with lots of light, and a garden, lots of space, really cheap, really safe and hip neighborhood and no landlord. I guess I want my own home. I think I am going to visualize and get really specific. Can't hurt.

Anyway, I have also shamefully perpetuated the reality that LA traffic is bad-really bad. I must stop that. Come on. Everyone now: "LA is so easy to get around. The roads are clear and open, light traffic." Shout it from the rooftops!!!

Maybe we should think about doing that with Global Warming.

A Note on the Little Things

I would just like to say that I much prefer living the life that includes being optimistic, positive, excited by life-the big, the small, the extraordinary and the mundane.

I am so grateful for this beautiful life.

My two cats, Bella and Bisous, bring me more joy than I ever thought possible. They are not your typical cats.

My garden, for example, brings total joy to my day. I find ruby-throated hummingbirds bathing in my fountain on a daily basis.

Green Boundaries

So I have taken to "going green" these days. I really like it. Most of the time. My husband and I have invested $5.00 in reusable grocery bags (now I need to actually get them into my car before going to the grocery). Thanks to this lovely job, I have been able to investigate all sorts of worthy causes and interesting ways to live green. I get a lot of tips from the Ideal Bite for LA. (see link under interesting links;) Everyday, this site sends out an email that discusses one way to "go green." I love it. It has helped me discover LA in new, eco-conscious ways.

But back to how my small family contributes:

We recylce like fiends. We buy organic food. We have cfls in our apartment. We use cloth napkins and cleaning rags. We have reusable coffee mugs. We have metal water bottles. We use environmentally friendly cleaning products. We unplug our appliances when they are not in use. I have managed to be the recycled clothes receiving queen. (hand-me-downs is my middle name and I didnt even realize it was environmentally conscious until recently-yay!) We wash our clothes in cold water. We buy recycled paper products. We are, for the most part, vegetarian.

All in all, I feel that we believe that taking care of the planet is a priority. But at what point does it become overkill, too much, a little ridiculous. Is it even viable, when we are talking about our planet, to say anything could possibly be ludicrous, annoying, or too much trouble. Seems like a funny thing to say or think. Alas, I fear many people feel that way. In the end, I think we can only do what we can. Little things add up. I don't feel stretched with the choices I have made thus far, but I do feel stretched when I think about going another step.

For example, I shop at Trader Joes-as do what feels like the majority of people in LA when I am standing in line. A wonderful entity. Truly. They have managed to offer products (many of which are organic) at a reasonable prices. You gotta love 'em. Here's the problem though. A lot of their produce is in packages. Plastic packages (or I cannot believe I am writing this-styrofoam-doesnt everyone on know that it never will go away-ever-I think I learned that in elementary school-ah, the power of denial) covered with seran wrap. This seems unnecessarily wasteful to me. Should I reject Trader Joes because of some non-environmentally friendly product packaging? Why not just put it out like apples? People select what they want and leave the rest. This is the sort of thing that makes me crazy. Do I go to Trader Joes and get my produce or make two trips. One to Trader Joes and one to Whole Foods-where their produce is set up the way I am describing. I could techinically argue that I am being wasteful by shopping in two places. More gas, you know. So, holy fuck, what am I supposed to do?!

Ok, another example: what happens when I forget my travel mug or my trusty metal water bottle? I buy a water, because I'm thirsty. Except that now I also have to worry about the type of plastic my water is in because some of the plastics are toxic and poison the water. Lovely. Or I get a coffee in a paper cup-hopefully, if they've converted from styrofoam-and then I think about the tree that I just drank out of. This is the point where I start to think-holy mother of god-ENOUGH! Oh and ps, could someone explain to me why most yogurt companies don't put their yogurt in recyclable plastic-damnit!

So, how does one, conscious consumer deal with these issues? One at a time I suppose because otherwise you would go nuts.

Now, I decided to incorporate green living into my life primarily as a result of a dietary change. I read Skinny Bitch which includes quite graphic decriptions of the cruely animals are subjected to when they are slaughtered. Changed me forever. The only meat I find hard to give up is fish, which, most definitely, is hypocritical of me. In fact, at this moment, I know its time to let that go completely. Anyway, that started this shin-dig. That promted me to really consider every choice I make about not only what I consume through my mouth but also with my credit card. I want to feel like I am contributing to the planet, to people, to my community, not damaging it. Going green for me is a way to do that in my daily existence as opposed to just occassionally supporting a cause. At this stage of the game, unfortunately, making ends meet is what the rest of time is and needs to be focused on. (That could open up can of worms. Maybe later.) This is a manageable lifestyle change that benefits the planet. Interestingly, it has provided a means by which I connect to and investigate my community.

As in dealing with everything in life, it seems to me that balance and personal boundaries are necessary. I believe that if we all do a little bit within our own "green boundaries" and avoid taking on too much resposibility, huge, juicy, cool change is possible.

Flickering Clarity and a note on Customer Service

Well, I think I may have figured it out.

You know I said in yesterday's blog that Caroline Myss in her book Anatomy of the Spirit talked about the fact that she, at one point in her life before she became an medical intuitive, author, etc., had a job similar to the one that I am currently in.

Well, I have been trying to, in the midst of this crazy place, get a handle on what this job is affording me-you know some clarity about what I am supposed to be doing and learning during this time.
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Gosh, okay, back to my train of thought-no wonder writers get exclusive about having space and quiet. Maybe I will continue tomorrow.

I would like to say that I am in serious need of chocolate right now. I was just telling a friend of mine that I always go through this weird 4 o'clock blues thing. I get really pooped, peeved, and pissy.
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Anyway, about the clarity thing... funny my post on clarity hasn't been clear or focused at all because I keep getting interrupted.

I think I am in this job for a couple of reasons. First, it has spurred me into writing again. I was in desperate need of a creative outlet and this blogging thing has practically saved my sanity.
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Ok, I am going to try to finish this little buggar (I should say blogger) today.
I know that I was about to go on about how these circumstances are playing out in my life and that they are necessary, but before I go on...

a note about customer service...

I had a man say to me after I had told him that the people he was trying to get in touch with were out of town "Well, what would you do if there was a fire? Who would you call then?" I think I said, "I don't think that is pertinent to this conversation"-something like that.
I should have said you have no life and probably a small prick if you have time to be an asshole to a receptionist. Bullying, demanding bastards. I had another woman yell at me "This is ridiculous!" as I was giving her driving directions to our store. I told her that there is no reason to get angry. Then she hung up on me while I was trying to find out if we had another location. I suppose this must be anger that they must have no outlet for.

You know, I think "customer service" should have two necessary and expected components. Instead of the company being the only party expected to be accomodating, perhaps the customer, in order to be served, should be required to be courteous and patient as well. A give-take relationship would be established. The phrase customer service implies that both the customer and the company should be in the service department.

You know, in hindsight, I should have said, "I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Big hug to you, you selfish, shortsighted prick..."

Sorry, sorry, i just keep thinking of great things to say.

What I mean is I should try compassion as a tactic since the whole interaction is obviously not personal.

Anyway, I would also like to make a comment on the issue of self-importance. I have noticed in the short time that I have been here that everyone-or at least the people who call in-MUST be talked to and helped IMMEDIATELY. IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

IT'S ALWAYS VERY IMPORTANT, ASSHOLE!!! EVERYONE GET IN LINE FOR VERY IMPORTANT MATTERS!

It also seems to me that no one in this particular office likes to be available to assist in these VERY IMPORTANT matters.

"Oh, no, I can't help. Call this person or that person."

And I get to run interference. Screen.

"Could you screen calls for everyone in accounting, please."
"Do me a favor, don't send their calls to me. Send them to this person or that person. Let them leave a voicemail."

Ok, so updated requirements for every human being entering society:
1. Everyone should be a waiter.
2. Everyone should be a receptionist.
3. Everyone should have to clean a public toilet.
4.Everyone should try to remember that there are billions of people on the planet. As I said in another column-a little perspective please.

I, actually, have now done all of these things, and, consequently, I clean up after myself, am always courteous and patient, and tip very well. Otherwise, a lot of unnecessary negative energy will continue to circulate.

Aw, that was nice-one of the VPs came and talked to me and agreed completely with what I said. He agrees everyone deserves respect and to be treated with dignity no matter who they are. Amen, brother!

So, perhaps we all think this way. In theory, it sounds great. But, how many of us actually execute our theories.

I find that, in all things, it is very easy to contemplate the possibilities of the life you would like to lead. Its much more difficult to DO.

So, all in all, I not really attended to my original idea of clarity. Perhaps I will attend to it later.

You know, blogging is a funny thing. You kind of say what's on your mind or, at least, the edited version of it. People might read it after all.

Finito

Well, I told my temp agency that I didn't want to do this anymore! Woohoo! I am almost done with this BS!

Insert-a chorus singing Hallelujah!!!! I am not a religious person, but that says it all. So I am almost free.

I have been taking a class with a casting director at this place in the valley. It's one of those places that you pay to meet casting directors and agents. This one is a little different than other ones that I have been. You actually take a workshop with these people instead of meeting with them one on one. I like it. The first I signed up for was a 6 week class which has turned out to be great. The CD is fantastic-very down-to-earth, no-nonsense. And, incidentally, she is the kind of person I would be friends with. In this case, however, seems like it would be slightly awkward to initiate that-to say the least. Nevertheless, I have now met someone I respect and who now knows my work in LA. Its unfortunate that it is the only way an actor can connect with casting offices until one has an agent. Although, I must point out that its nice that there is a way other than mailings to connect with people. Regardless, let me get back to my original point, which was that last night, in week 5 of my class, I decided to ask my fellow actors about jobs.

I told them my current circumstances-temping, reception, 11 dollars per hour and got a resounding "awwwwww." Whew, and I thought it was just me.

Anyway, got a few ideas. Bottom line, I can do better. At least when it comes to money. Stimulation, well, we can attend to that next.

So, extra work, promotional work and substitute teaching are on the table.

Extra work, I've done. I didn't make a career out of it, but I've done it. Did you know that there are extras who actually make a career out of being a "background artist. " Now granted, the ones I've met were stand-ins. Funnily enough, they are snobby about this fact. They get 15 dollars more a day than a regular extra and, yet, they are somewhat exclusive about their positions. Now, I come to find out that many do it because, if they work for enough weeks, they qualify for health insurance. Now, that's all well and good, but some of these people actually got into this business to act and have now resigned themselves to being BG for health insurance and a pension. Seems like an odd choice to me. Seems like a lazy choice to me. Seems like a straight and narrow choice that is even more narrow and, ps, not nearly as secure, as a 9 to 5-or 9 to 6 if you live in my world. Now maybe some of them had preexisting medical conditions that forced them to make a certain level of health coverage absolutely necessary. Could be. What do I know? Very little.

Anyway, seems like a reasonable option, but nothing I could live with for long.

Next option...promotional stuff.

Well, now, I have done this too.

I worked for a gorilla marketing company-very bad idea. I had to go to all the restaurants that Sex and the City had been filmed in and try to put stickers up in the bathrooms about the show being on TBS. Yeah, that was fun and very classy. Don't you think? Oh, and I had to take a picture of every single one. (Insert condescending, peeved expression.) Oh, and I had to "dress sexy"-that was really great wandering around NYC, its like 110 degrees, and I am in a very short skirt and I have to approach nasty ass bars, high end restaurants-you name it and be charming, and ask if I can essentially post free advertising in their bathroom. Simple. Easy. Completely sleazy and disgusting. Not worth my or anyone else's spit if you ask me.

So, a woman in class said something about setting up a booth and that's it. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Worth asking about a catch anyway.

And lastly, subbing. I have never been a substitute. I cannot say that the idea really excites me. In fact, dealing with a bunch of hormonal, insecure little pricks is not my idea of a good time. May little ones though. Less complicated. That sounds more appealing. Maybe I will do that after I investigate the promotional stuff. My God, these are my options!

Don't worry I haven't forgotten my yoga idea.

Still, small victory, I blew the whistle on this gig and started looking for a new game.