Being Good and Right on Time

What is this obsession with time that we all have?

My dear husband is going to be 29 next week, and he keeps alluding to the fact that he's getting old!

My brother feels anxious because he feels like he should be doing something while he is working his temp job.

Hell, even I feel like I should be doing something productive while I am riding around in the ever present traffic in LA. I am really considering getting a language tape-french, spanish, italian-not sure which. But if I play out the scene in my head, it would be something like this.

Morning. (It should be 8 am but its 8:22) I am driving to work in my little red Nissan Versa (which I love by the way. Her name is Jujubee.) I am already a bit frazzled because I can never seem to leave on time (for jobs I am not excited about anyway). I eat my breakfast and drink my first cup of coffee. I speed to work, weaving around anyone who is going too slow 'til I come to the entrance to one of 4 roads that go over the hill. Lately, it's been Beverly Glen. And, as usual, everything comes to a dead stop. And then the yelling begins. And it all makes sense. I scream at the traffic cops to "pay attention to us-we have to cross too!" or to the "asshole!" who cuts me off because he's trying to squeeze his way onto the road as well. While still waiting to cross the intersection of Ventura and Beverly Glen, I start my makeup and my second cup of coffee. Yes, I have a travel mug and and regular mug:) Not many places serve organic coffee made in a french press for cheap. What can you do?

So the thought of adding french to the mix seems rather comical if you ask me. Oh, I forgot to add that I make phone calls and check my voicemail on these trips as well. My God, is overachieving a disease?

Still, in the name of being productive (which, in this culture, makes you a "good" person) this idea of learning a language is appealing. And I feel I would be expanding my skill set. For an actor that's terribly important. It decreases the competition significantly if you can speak a language or play an instrument or stand on your head and knit or whatever.

Wow, speaking of not having enough time, I just found out that Anthony Minghella died last week. Cancer of the tonsils. My God, that's so crazy. He was a truly extraordinary director. I am deeply disappointed that I will not have the privilege of seeing more of his movies or working with him. He was always in my top 5 to work with. Joy and peace to you Mr. Minghella. And thank you.

A lot of wake up calls lately. I am not sure why I keep getting them. Perhaps we all get them all the time, these small reality checks, and I'm just paying attention lately.

Back to the age thing...
I am 27 (don't tell anyone in the biz;) and entering what anyone who follows astrology knows, my Saturn return. Its generally a time of upheaval. You reevaluate everything-your upbringing, your circumstances, your, well, everything. And, supposedly, by the end of this 2 year cycle, everything will have changed. You may find yourself divorced or famous or rich, etc, and experiencing a very different reality. And, PS, i don't necessarily take the astrology thing really seriously. I was supposed to have a stellar day yesterday and kaput. It was actually, well, fine but definitely not stellar. No criminal minds (see yesterday's blog). I wouldn't call that stellar. I would call that, well, Eh.

That being said, I do want to consider this Saturn return thing in my age discussion because, well, regardless of whether or not it is a phenomenon that affects us, the 20's are, to say the least, a rather tumultuous time in a person's life. I am quite grateful to be on the far end of this time. Though I believe there are no hard and fast rules about about age-I think its rather arbitrary really. We all, generally, develop, biologically speaking, at the same pace, yes. But age has to do with quality of life and with life experience. I have heard people say never trust a person in their twenties. We have a very little experience under our belts, and therefore, very little knowledge about life, not to mention ourselves and our place in the world. That's what this time is, in my opinion. A period of discovery. Which, by its nature, is a bit messy, if not a bit painful. And decisions will be made and unmade dozens of times. Indecision not just a female thing-a thing we ladies seem to think we have a right to be, which, ma certo, we do-but a human thing.

Anyway, I say screw these measures for our lives that make us "good" or "efficient" or "on time". And if you want to learn something while simultaneously doing something else, wonderful. If you want to give yourself a deadline for something you would like to accomplish-by all means, if it turns you on. But don't hold yourself to some standard, some random human example of how things can be done. That s just one possibility. Why not take that as a beacon or a star to look to for guidance along your uncharted course.