Empathy

I read this article about empathy recently in O. It talked about the fact that empathy is essentially necessary for an intimate relationship whether platonic or romantic. One should try to listen and just understand and basically say "yeah. I understand" or "that really sucks"-whatever the situation calls for. But no changing the subject or offering solutions or making light of it.

Now, that is where I come in. I totally understand the empathy thing. The mothering part of myself gets that. I can even employ it and have, but thats the thing. I think I overdo the empathy thing. How can you empathize without creating a dynamic that is detrimental to the relationship. Then it becomes a parent-child relationship, which is always a fucking buzz kill.

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March 27, 2008

So to continue, nobody wants an extra parent. I just don't know how to throw out the perfect dose of empathy and encouragement. And what do I do when someone goes on and on and on and never attends to their issues, never seems to even grow. They are habitual pessimistic, narcissistic, raging complainers. It can be exhausting for them and those around them. Now I am all for a good rant every now and then-we all need and deserve that-but all the time?

Is it a world view? My friend KJ said that she had known someone who called her Mediterranean and himself Nordic. She is warm, vibrant, full of life and appreciates beauty. He, apparently, had a hard time enjoying the ride. Is that what it is? Some people are Nordic and some Mediterranean. Half empty or half full?

What happens when you reach a point where you don't want to hear it anymore? Have you lost your sense of compassion, your ability to empathize? Do you become one of those people who doesn't want to talk talk about mushy, messy stuff, in short,a fair-weather friend?

Seems to me friends are also around to give a swift kick in the arse if necessary. The world is a big place. And as the Big Jacket says, "there are a billion people in China who don't even know you're alive."

A little perspective please.