Temping

So,

This is my third week here at this lovely company that shall remain anonymous. The people are great. It's very low stress. Organizing. That's it. And, occasionally, I answer the phone. Which I am less than stellar at. I am not dissatisfied, though life feels strange. I am even doing good-helping my supervisor.

More and more I am needing a more creative existence. I wonder if walks and trying new types of wine and sniffing a sachet of lavender and discovering new bird sounds is enough. Seems to me that doesn't make for interesting as a human being or as an actor.

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New day. I cannot seem to finish one post. The days disappear before I have even gotten started. 9 to 6-actually 8 to 7-are the hours temping requires. I cannot understand how the rest of the world lives this way day in and day out-on purpose. I realize other people have the same hours, and that they actually enjoy and chose their work. That's another thing altogether. But, for me, for actors, its for money. Whoop-tee-fucking-doo. That's it. And I am so grateful for this fucking gig. That's what is really crazy. I'm lucky. I'm working.

As actors, are we allowed to actually discover or create a job that thrills us or at least turns us on occassionally? It scares me and even my mother when I think about building another career/company. Will I lose my focus on acting if I do that? Yes would be the most obvious answer. Here's the thing: we have to pay the bills. Why not do it with something that you enjoy? Is that really bizarre? Seems to me it would take to pressure off acting as being your source of happiness.

And what do all of the assistants dream of when they are not backing someone else's-some CEO's vision? I met one woman who said she wanted to work with children-toddlers and have her own child care facility. Another was an actor-eleven years ago. She admits she regrets it, but not without finishing her sentence with "but my job is great." She seems content enough for her.

I saw a dear friend last night. She was visiting from Australia. She moved there for love three months ago. What a wise and beautiful person she is. I admire her bravery and appreciate her honesty.

The poor thing had to listen to my complaints, of which, there are many. I do not take it for granted that I can say anything and be myself without being judged or picked apart. Though I also realize how easy it is to fall into a rut. Sometimes we can attempt nothing better than what is familiar-dysfunctional or not. I suppose that is what friends are for-to love us ruts and all.

I realize today how fortunate I am to be surrounded by people like her. It's amazing who sticks with you and who gets left behind. You never know in this life.

Bottom line-I'm so fucking lucky.